1
00:00:08,896 --> 00:00:09,000
Are you ready, kids?

2
00:00:10,689 --> 00:00:10,827
KIDS:
Aye, aye, Captain.

3
00:00:12,724 --> 00:00:12,862
I can't hear you.

4
00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:14,620
Aye, aye, Captain!

5
00:00:15,896 --> 00:00:16,000
♪ Ooh!

6
00:00:19,034 --> 00:00:19,172
♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

7
00:00:20,931 --> 00:00:21,034
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!♪

8
00:00:23,034 --> 00:00:23,172
♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

9
00:00:24,896 --> 00:00:25,000
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!♪

10
00:00:27,034 --> 00:00:27,172
♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

11
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:29,000
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!♪

12
00:00:30,758 --> 00:00:30,896
♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

13
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:33,103
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!♪Ready?

14
00:00:34,896 --> 00:00:35,000
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

15
00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:36,965
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

16
00:00:39,034 --> 00:00:39,172
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

17
00:00:40,793 --> 00:00:40,931
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

18
00:00:44,551 --> 00:00:44,689
[ hearty laughter]

19
00:00:46,517 --> 00:00:46,655
[ piccolo playing]

20
00:00:49,172 --> 00:00:49,310
[ ocean waves lapping,
seagulls crying]

21
00:01:04,448 --> 00:01:04,586
So, I was all ready
to drain the fries,

22
00:01:07,206 --> 00:01:07,344
but I cooked the fries
slightly too long. So...

23
00:01:10,896 --> 00:01:11,000
SpongeBob...So here's where the
bizarre twist comes in.

24
00:01:13,172 --> 00:01:13,310
SpongeBob...They weren't overcooked
at all!

25
00:01:15,379 --> 00:01:15,517
SpongeBob! Look!

26
00:01:18,310 --> 00:01:18,448
SPONGEBOB:
Wow!

27
00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:19,965
What happened to
the Krusty Krab?

28
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:22,137
MR. KRABS:
Good morning!

29
00:01:23,758 --> 00:01:23,896
The Krusty Towers
is now open for business.

30
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:27,103
Why did you build a hotel,
Mr. Krabs?

31
00:01:28,724 --> 00:01:28,862
I'm glad
you asked, son.

32
00:01:30,620 --> 00:01:30,758
Remember when I went to
that fast food convention

33
00:01:32,310 --> 00:01:32,448
and stayed in
that fancy hotel?

34
00:01:34,620 --> 00:01:34,758
I had a beautiful room.

35
00:01:36,655 --> 00:01:36,793
The employees were so friendly.

36
00:01:40,482 --> 00:01:40,620
They catered to me every whim,

37
00:01:42,379 --> 00:01:42,517
no matter how demeaning it was,

38
00:01:44,655 --> 00:01:44,793
because they lived by a code.

39
00:01:47,034 --> 00:01:47,172
And that code was engraved
in fine gold

40
00:01:49,241 --> 00:01:49,379
above the grand fireplace.

41
00:01:56,827 --> 00:01:56,965
Everything was perfect.

42
00:01:59,413 --> 00:01:59,551
Until I got the bill!

43
00:02:01,551 --> 00:02:01,689
They charged me for everything.

44
00:02:03,172 --> 00:02:03,310
$25.00 for a hamburger.

45
00:02:06,379 --> 00:02:06,517
[ horn toots]

46
00:02:10,310 --> 00:02:10,448
If they could charge
that much for
a lousy burger,

47
00:02:12,586 --> 00:02:12,724
imagine how much
I could charge for
a lousy Krabby Patty.

48
00:02:15,689 --> 00:02:15,827
And thus,

49
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:17,275
the Krusty Towers
was born.

50
00:02:19,758 --> 00:02:19,896
Why would anyone stay at a hotel
in Bikini Bottom?

51
00:02:22,689 --> 00:02:22,827
It's in the middle
of scenic nowhere.

52
00:02:25,172 --> 00:02:25,310
There's nothing to do
but get stung by jellyfish.

53
00:02:27,551 --> 00:02:27,689
[ groaning]

54
00:02:28,724 --> 00:02:28,862
See?Eww.

55
00:02:30,413 --> 00:02:30,551
Come inside.

56
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:33,758
Isn't it beautiful?

57
00:02:35,310 --> 00:02:35,448
Where are all the new
hotel employees?

58
00:02:42,655 --> 00:02:42,793
Me first hotel guest.

59
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:45,103
Watch me reel him in.

60
00:02:48,310 --> 00:02:48,448
Welcome to
the Krusty Towers,

61
00:02:50,172 --> 00:02:50,310
where our motto is,

62
00:02:51,517 --> 00:02:51,655
"We shall never deny a guest

63
00:02:53,068 --> 00:02:53,206
even the most ridiculous
request."

64
00:02:55,172 --> 00:02:55,310
Oh, that's great.

65
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:56,689
I'd like a double Krabby Patty

66
00:02:58,137 --> 00:02:58,275
with no onions
and extra pickles.

67
00:02:59,689 --> 00:02:59,827
If you want
a Krabby Patty,

68
00:03:01,586 --> 00:03:01,724
you have to rent a room,
and order room service.

69
00:03:03,172 --> 00:03:03,310
Ooh, I've only got
an hour for lunch.

70
00:03:05,758 --> 00:03:05,896
Boy, you reeled
that one in like a pro.

71
00:03:08,551 --> 00:03:08,689
Okay, Squidward,

72
00:03:10,413 --> 00:03:10,551
you run
the front desk.

73
00:03:12,758 --> 00:03:12,896
I'd like
a Krabby Patty, please.

74
00:03:15,206 --> 00:03:15,344
This is a hotel now.

75
00:03:17,068 --> 00:03:17,206
If you want
a Krabby Patty,

76
00:03:19,172 --> 00:03:19,310
you'll have to get
a room, and order
room service.

77
00:03:21,275 --> 00:03:21,413
Okay.
One Krabby Patty and one room.

78
00:03:23,724 --> 00:03:23,862
With cheese.

79
00:03:25,551 --> 00:03:25,689
Oh, and can I get cheese
on the Krabby Patty, too?

80
00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:27,344
Patrick,

81
00:03:28,655 --> 00:03:28,793
you only live
400 yards away.

82
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:30,482
Why do you want
to check into a hotel?

83
00:03:32,206 --> 00:03:32,344
Sometimes I just need to get
away from it all.

84
00:03:36,310 --> 00:03:36,448
Wow, this hotel
has everything.

85
00:03:37,620 --> 00:03:37,758
Give me that.

86
00:03:39,034 --> 00:03:39,172
Now sign
the register.

87
00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:40,793
I didn't know
there would be a test.

88
00:03:41,793 --> 00:03:41,931
I didn't study!

89
00:03:43,655 --> 00:03:43,793
Patrick, all you have
to do is write your name.

90
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:47,103
Oh, okay.

91
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:50,000
Do you mind?

92
00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:53,413
Don't look.

93
00:03:56,275 --> 00:03:56,413
Um...

94
00:03:57,724 --> 00:03:57,862
Done.

95
00:04:00,931 --> 00:04:01,034
Close enough.

96
00:04:02,344 --> 00:04:02,482
Here's your
room key.

97
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:04,137
I'll need some help
with my bags.

98
00:04:06,137 --> 00:04:06,275
How can you
have bags?

99
00:04:07,793 --> 00:04:07,931
You just found out
this is a hotel.

100
00:04:08,965 --> 00:04:09,068
This is a hotel?

101
00:04:10,275 --> 00:04:10,413
D-oh!
SpongeBob?

102
00:04:12,344 --> 00:04:12,482
Yes, Squidward.

103
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:14,137
Take Patrick and his bags
to his room.

104
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:16,137
What about my Krabby Patty?

105
00:04:17,551 --> 00:04:17,689
And bring him a Krabby Patty.

106
00:04:20,103 --> 00:04:20,241
Squidward, you can take
Patrick's bags up to his room.

107
00:04:23,344 --> 00:04:23,482
SpongeBob, you go make
the Krabby Patty.

108
00:04:25,448 --> 00:04:25,586
Oh, Mr. Krabs.

109
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:27,172
What's the matter?

110
00:04:28,586 --> 00:04:28,724
Afraid of a little
manual labor?

111
00:04:30,448 --> 00:04:30,586
"I'm Squidward, and I have
to work for a living."

112
00:04:33,724 --> 00:04:33,862
Boo-hoo-hoo.

113
00:04:35,206 --> 00:04:35,344
Fine.

114
00:04:36,586 --> 00:04:36,724
Let's go,
Patrick.

115
00:04:37,965 --> 00:04:38,068
[ groaning]

116
00:04:42,620 --> 00:04:42,758
This elevator is
for guests only.

117
00:04:45,413 --> 00:04:45,551
Take the employee
elevator.

118
00:04:47,103 --> 00:04:47,241
[ squeaking]

119
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:53,103
[ bell rings]

120
00:04:55,931 --> 00:04:56,034
[ angry muttering]

121
00:04:57,551 --> 00:04:57,689
[ bell rings]

122
00:05:01,448 --> 00:05:01,586
What's in
these bags? Rocks?

123
00:05:04,344 --> 00:05:04,482
Hey, these are rocks!

124
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:06,034
Why is your suitcase
full of rocks?

125
00:05:07,827 --> 00:05:07,965
I don't tell you
how to live your life!

126
00:05:10,586 --> 00:05:10,724
Well, here's your room.

127
00:05:12,206 --> 00:05:12,344
Wow.

128
00:05:13,310 --> 00:05:13,448
Enjoy your stay.

129
00:05:15,344 --> 00:05:15,482
Squidward, wait.

130
00:05:18,344 --> 00:05:18,482
Keep up the good work,

131
00:05:20,137 --> 00:05:20,275
and there will be more
where that came from.

132
00:05:22,551 --> 00:05:22,689
Your Krabby Patty, sir.

133
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:25,103
Hey, Squidward,
cool rock.

134
00:05:27,517 --> 00:05:27,655
Hold on a second,
SpongeBob.

135
00:05:29,310 --> 00:05:29,448
Here you are,
my good man.

136
00:05:32,172 --> 00:05:32,310
Thank you, Patrick.

137
00:05:34,172 --> 00:05:34,310
There's plenty more where that
came from, my good friend.

138
00:05:36,896 --> 00:05:37,000
[ grumbling]

139
00:05:38,241 --> 00:05:38,379
Squidward!What now?

140
00:05:39,931 --> 00:05:40,034
I don't like crusts
on my sandwich.

141
00:05:42,448 --> 00:05:42,586
It's a bun.

142
00:05:43,655 --> 00:05:43,793
It's all crust.

143
00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:45,517
How am I supposed to cut
the crust off a bun?

144
00:05:46,689 --> 00:05:46,827
Peel it.

145
00:05:52,034 --> 00:05:52,172
Happy?Yay!

146
00:05:53,965 --> 00:05:54,068
SPONGEBOB:
Room service.

147
00:05:55,620 --> 00:05:55,758
Here's the 50 Krabby Patties
you ordered.

148
00:05:57,241 --> 00:05:57,379
Could you do
one more thing for me?

149
00:05:59,758 --> 00:05:59,896
Why don't you ask
SpongeBob?

150
00:06:01,793 --> 00:06:01,931
Good idea,
Squidward.

151
00:06:03,034 --> 00:06:03,172
How may I serve you, sir?

152
00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:05,034
I need you to eat these
Krabby Patties with me.

153
00:06:06,689 --> 00:06:06,827
Oh, yes, sir.

154
00:06:10,931 --> 00:06:11,034
[ bell rings]

155
00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:12,344
Uh-huh.
Hold on.

156
00:06:13,862 --> 00:06:13,965
Squidward! Patrick
needs your help.

157
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:15,413
What?!
Why didn't he ask me

158
00:06:16,965 --> 00:06:17,068
before I walked all the way
downstairs?

159
00:06:18,655 --> 00:06:18,793
He said he didn't
want to bother you.

160
00:06:20,689 --> 00:06:20,827
But he got over it.

161
00:06:25,931 --> 00:06:26,034
Hooray!

162
00:06:27,172 --> 00:06:27,310
Thanks, Squidward.

163
00:06:30,137 --> 00:06:30,275
[ toilet flushes]

164
00:06:31,655 --> 00:06:31,793
Mr. Krabs,
this is ridiculous.

165
00:06:34,137 --> 00:06:34,275
Patrick's being completely
unreasonable.

166
00:06:36,655 --> 00:06:36,793
He can be as unreasonable
as he wants.

167
00:06:39,862 --> 00:06:39,965
The plaque, Squidward!
The plaque!

168
00:06:41,482 --> 00:06:41,620
But Mr. Krabs...

169
00:06:42,827 --> 00:06:42,965
Deny no guest!

170
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:45,310
[ phone rings]

171
00:06:46,413 --> 00:06:46,551
Well, hello, Patrick.

172
00:06:48,137 --> 00:06:48,275
You need Squidward
to come up right away?

173
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:51,137
He'll be
right there.

174
00:06:53,517 --> 00:06:53,655
A bubble bath?

175
00:06:55,068 --> 00:06:55,206
Why would I give you
a bubble bath?

176
00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:57,689
Well, because Mr. Krabs
said you would.

177
00:07:00,655 --> 00:07:00,793
Be sure to make my back
extra shiny clean.

178
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:04,137
That's it!

179
00:07:05,206 --> 00:07:05,344
I've had enough!

180
00:07:06,758 --> 00:07:06,896
Squidward, wait!

181
00:07:08,103 --> 00:07:08,241
The toilet's backed up again!

182
00:07:09,862 --> 00:07:09,965
Hey, hey, you can't
take that elevator.

183
00:07:12,586 --> 00:07:12,724
You're an employee.

184
00:07:13,896 --> 00:07:14,000
Not anymore.

185
00:07:15,413 --> 00:07:15,551
I quit.

186
00:07:16,862 --> 00:07:16,965
Quit?

187
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:18,103
You can't quit.

188
00:07:24,034 --> 00:07:24,172
Welcome to
the Krusty Towers.

189
00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:25,482
Squidward?!

190
00:07:26,965 --> 00:07:27,068
One room, please,
on the top floor.

191
00:07:29,896 --> 00:07:30,000
What do you think
you're doing?

192
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:31,137
I need a vacation.

193
00:07:32,172 --> 00:07:32,310
I'm overworked.

194
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:34,137
And what better place to relax
than Krusty Towers,

195
00:07:37,965 --> 00:07:38,068
where we shall never deny
a guest

196
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:41,103
even the most ridiculous
request.

197
00:07:42,620 --> 00:07:42,758
I don't have to rent you a room.

198
00:07:45,586 --> 00:07:45,724
I got cash.

199
00:07:47,448 --> 00:07:47,586
D-oh...
Here's your room key.

200
00:07:49,482 --> 00:07:49,620
SpongeBob, carry my things
to my room.

201
00:07:52,103 --> 00:07:52,241
Aye, aye, guest sir.

202
00:07:56,034 --> 00:07:56,172
[ crashes]

203
00:07:57,586 --> 00:07:57,724
And you can carry me
to my room.

204
00:08:01,034 --> 00:08:01,172
And why in tarnation
would I do that?

205
00:08:03,413 --> 00:08:03,551
You've got four legs
that aren't broken.

206
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:05,724
The plaque.

207
00:08:08,482 --> 00:08:08,620
Too bad we couldn't take
the elevator,

208
00:08:11,137 --> 00:08:11,275
but it is for guests only,
and you are an employee.

209
00:08:15,241 --> 00:08:15,379
Your room, sir.

210
00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:17,034
And I'd like to order
room service.

211
00:08:18,896 --> 00:08:19,000
I'd like a Krabby Patty
with cheese, toenail clippings

212
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:22,206
and nose hairs.

213
00:08:23,206 --> 00:08:23,344
[ squeals]

214
00:08:24,551 --> 00:08:24,689
You've got to be kidding me!

215
00:08:26,137 --> 00:08:26,275
And I want it here
in five seconds.

216
00:08:27,172 --> 00:08:27,310
Yes, sir.

217
00:08:28,344 --> 00:08:28,482
Here you are, sir.

218
00:08:30,413 --> 00:08:30,551
Well, you got
your stinky sandwich.

219
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:32,517
Now eat it.

220
00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:34,034
Oh, I'm not going
to eat this.

221
00:08:35,965 --> 00:08:36,068
You are.

222
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:37,137
What?!

223
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:39,137
You're out of your mind if you
think I'm going to eat that.

224
00:08:40,655 --> 00:08:40,793
Psst, that's not really
a Krabby Patty

225
00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:42,793
with cheese, toenails
and nose hair.

226
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:45,137
[ chuckles]:
Now I get you, boy.

227
00:08:47,724 --> 00:08:47,862
All right, Squidward.

228
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:55,137
[ laughter]

229
00:08:56,965 --> 00:08:57,068
SpongeBob!Sorry, Mr. Krabs.

230
00:08:58,379 --> 00:08:58,517
We were all out
of cheese.

231
00:08:59,862 --> 00:09:00,034
Hooray!

232
00:09:01,310 --> 00:09:01,448
[ phone ringing]

233
00:09:02,896 --> 00:09:03,000
What is it,
Squidward?

234
00:09:04,862 --> 00:09:04,965
Send up a dozen cookies
just like mother used to make.

235
00:09:09,034 --> 00:09:09,137
Here's your homemade cookies.

236
00:09:12,758 --> 00:09:12,896
These don't taste anything
like mom used to make.

237
00:09:15,551 --> 00:09:15,689
Well, how did your mother
make 'em?

238
00:09:17,413 --> 00:09:17,551
How should I know?

239
00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:18,896
Ask my mother.

240
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:24,000
[ doorbell rings]

241
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:25,137
Hello.

242
00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:26,965
[ gasps]

243
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:32,103
SpongeBob!

244
00:09:42,655 --> 00:09:42,793
No good, Mr. Krabs.

245
00:09:44,448 --> 00:09:44,586
Allow me, boys.

246
00:09:46,862 --> 00:09:46,965
Great.

247
00:09:48,551 --> 00:09:48,689
Now that me laundry
is in the trunk...

248
00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:50,310
There's room for you
to sit up front.

249
00:09:51,827 --> 00:09:51,965
Let's go bake some cookies,
boys.

250
00:09:53,275 --> 00:09:53,413
Hooray!

251
00:09:54,655 --> 00:09:54,793
Well?

252
00:09:55,758 --> 00:09:55,896
I'm impressed.

253
00:09:57,482 --> 00:09:57,620
These are just like mother
used to make.

254
00:09:59,206 --> 00:09:59,344
I just wish mom
was a better cook.

255
00:10:00,724 --> 00:10:00,862
So you're all taken care of.

256
00:10:03,206 --> 00:10:03,344
Just one teensy, tiny problem.

257
00:10:06,034 --> 00:10:06,172
This room is hideous.

258
00:10:07,310 --> 00:10:07,448
Redesign it.

259
00:10:08,724 --> 00:10:08,862
Neptune the 14th would be nice.

260
00:10:09,793 --> 00:10:09,931
What?

261
00:10:11,241 --> 00:10:11,379
"We shall never deny
a guest

262
00:10:12,827 --> 00:10:12,965
even the most
ridiculous request."

263
00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:23,586
[ screaming]

264
00:10:24,655 --> 00:10:24,793
Perfect!

265
00:10:26,448 --> 00:10:26,586
This room is exactly
the same as when we started!

266
00:10:29,586 --> 00:10:29,724
Nothing like getting
back to the basics.

267
00:10:31,931 --> 00:10:32,034
Let's get out of here,
SpongeBob.

268
00:10:33,344 --> 00:10:33,482
Oh, before you leave,

269
00:10:34,689 --> 00:10:34,827
I want to go swimming.

270
00:10:36,137 --> 00:10:36,275
The pool is out back.

271
00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:37,862
[ laughing]:
Are you crazy?

272
00:10:39,310 --> 00:10:39,448
I'm not going outside to swim.

273
00:10:41,517 --> 00:10:41,655
Come on in.

274
00:10:43,103 --> 00:10:43,241
The water's fine.

275
00:10:47,655 --> 00:10:47,793
Anything else stupid

276
00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:49,482
and unreasonable
that you want?

277
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:50,655
Nope, that's it.

278
00:10:52,275 --> 00:10:52,413
You don't need me to chew
your food for you,

279
00:10:54,413 --> 00:10:54,551
or make you a back scratcher
out of my own spine?

280
00:10:57,482 --> 00:10:57,620
Or maybe extinguish the sun

281
00:10:59,137 --> 00:10:59,275
so the light
don't get in your eyes?

282
00:11:01,275 --> 00:11:01,413
No, I'm good.

283
00:11:02,655 --> 00:11:02,793
Me, too.

284
00:11:03,655 --> 00:11:03,793
Wow!

285
00:11:05,620 --> 00:11:05,758
An indoor pool.

286
00:11:07,172 --> 00:11:07,310
This place is fancy!

287
00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:10,517
Cannonball!

288
00:11:13,896 --> 00:11:14,000
[ laughing]

289
00:11:15,137 --> 00:11:15,275
[ loud crash]

290
00:11:26,379 --> 00:11:26,517
MR. KRABS:
Oh!

291
00:11:28,103 --> 00:11:28,241
That hotel was a bad idea
from the start.

292
00:11:30,241 --> 00:11:30,379
That was a hotel?

293
00:11:31,965 --> 00:11:32,068
Your bill, sir.

294
00:11:33,482 --> 00:11:33,620
$15,000?

295
00:11:36,551 --> 00:11:36,689
You're not going to have
a heart attack, are you?

296
00:11:38,586 --> 00:11:38,724
Not at these prices.

297
00:11:40,344 --> 00:11:40,482
Forget hotels.

298
00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:42,448
This hospital racket
is where the money is.

299
00:11:44,310 --> 00:11:44,448
This is a hospital?

300
00:11:45,724 --> 00:11:45,862
Pack your bags, boys.

301
00:11:47,413 --> 00:11:47,551
You're going
to medical school.

302
00:11:49,931 --> 00:11:50,034
Hooray!
Hooray!

303
00:11:51,172 --> 00:11:51,310
Oh, boy.

304
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:03,862
Good morning, Mrs. Puff.
I'm Mr. Fitz.

305
00:12:06,103 --> 00:12:06,241
I represent the Voting Teachers
Accreditation Bureau.

306
00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:09,344
As you know, your teaching
certificate is up for renewal.

307
00:12:12,551 --> 00:12:12,689
However,
we've noticed there have been

308
00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:14,758
an unusually large amount
of failings from this classroom.

309
00:12:18,448 --> 00:12:18,586
That's impossible.

310
00:12:19,793 --> 00:12:19,931
In all my years of teaching,

311
00:12:21,620 --> 00:12:21,758
only one student
has failed my class.

312
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:24,482
Yes, but he's failed
1,258,056 times.

313
00:12:28,517 --> 00:12:28,655
SPONGEBOB:
Ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai!

314
00:12:30,724 --> 00:12:30,862
You don't understand.

315
00:12:32,241 --> 00:12:32,379
SpongeBob is... unteachable.

316
00:12:34,965 --> 00:12:35,068
We cannotblame the students for
the incompetence of the teacher.

317
00:12:39,655 --> 00:12:39,793
SPONGEBOB:
Honk, honk!
Beep-beep!

318
00:12:41,034 --> 00:12:41,172
I'm ready to drive!

319
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:42,482
[ horn honks]

320
00:12:44,482 --> 00:12:44,620
Are you ready for
my driving test
today, Mrs. Puff?

321
00:12:46,482 --> 00:12:46,620
Okay, Mrs. Puff,
if SpongeBob fails this test,

322
00:12:50,862 --> 00:12:50,965
you will be replaced.

323
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:54,137
Okay, SpongeBob,
let's demonstrate for Mr. Fitz

324
00:12:57,517 --> 00:12:57,655
everything I've taught you
in boating school.

325
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:00,517
[ chuckles]:
Now,

326
00:13:02,241 --> 00:13:02,379
what's the first thing we do
before we start boating?

327
00:13:04,758 --> 00:13:04,896
Oh! Seatbelt-a-rooni.
One second.

328
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:07,758
[ grunting]

329
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:15,103
Then what do you do?

330
00:13:17,655 --> 00:13:17,793
Start the engine?Yes.

331
00:13:19,241 --> 00:13:19,379
[ engine starts]

332
00:13:22,241 --> 00:13:22,379
What do I do now?Drive the boat.

333
00:13:31,896 --> 00:13:32,000
Did I pass this
time, Mrs. Puff?

334
00:13:34,034 --> 00:13:34,172
No, SpongeBob.

335
00:13:35,413 --> 00:13:35,551
You failed.

336
00:13:36,827 --> 00:13:36,965
I failed?

337
00:13:38,448 --> 00:13:38,586
It is not you that's
failed, SpongeBob.

338
00:13:40,931 --> 00:13:41,034
It's Mrs. Puff
that's failed you.

339
00:13:43,482 --> 00:13:43,620
You are relieved
of your teaching duties.

340
00:13:45,896 --> 00:13:46,000
I won't be teaching
SpongeBob anymore?

341
00:13:48,310 --> 00:13:48,448
[ laughing]

342
00:13:51,172 --> 00:13:51,310
[ laughing loudly]

343
00:13:53,827 --> 00:13:53,965
No more... SpongeBob?

344
00:13:56,655 --> 00:13:56,793
I thought this day
would never come.

345
00:13:58,448 --> 00:13:58,586
[ continues laughing]

346
00:14:00,310 --> 00:14:00,448
Whoo-hoo!

347
00:14:01,689 --> 00:14:01,827
Good-bye, SpongeBob!

348
00:14:03,793 --> 00:14:03,931
Have a nice life.

349
00:14:05,965 --> 00:14:06,068
Free at last!

350
00:14:07,655 --> 00:14:07,793
Free at last!

351
00:14:14,655 --> 00:14:14,793
SPONGEBOB:
I got Mrs. Puff fired.

352
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:17,137
[ booming footsteps]

353
00:14:21,655 --> 00:14:21,793
Hello, worthless students.

354
00:14:26,137 --> 00:14:26,275
I'm your new instructor.

355
00:14:28,689 --> 00:14:28,827
No one's ever failed my class

356
00:14:31,206 --> 00:14:31,344
that's lived through it.

357
00:14:33,448 --> 00:14:33,586
I can assure you,
these next four weeks

358
00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:36,413
will be the worst years
of your miserable lives.

359
00:14:39,103 --> 00:14:39,241
Your spines will break.

360
00:14:40,620 --> 00:14:40,758
Your teeth will ache.

361
00:14:42,206 --> 00:14:42,344
Your eyes will be bloodshot.

362
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:44,137
[ students whimpering]

363
00:14:46,241 --> 00:14:46,379
You will drive
out of this school in style,

364
00:14:49,137 --> 00:14:49,275
or you will be carted out

365
00:14:51,206 --> 00:14:51,344
in your granny's
handbasket.

366
00:14:53,655 --> 00:14:53,793
Everyone will follow
the rules of the class.

367
00:14:56,068 --> 00:14:56,206
First rule: no talking.

368
00:14:58,862 --> 00:14:58,965
Does that mean...

369
00:15:01,931 --> 00:15:02,034
Second rule:
no eating in my class.

370
00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:05,172
Would anyone care for a bon-bon?

371
00:15:09,413 --> 00:15:09,551
Uh, I'll eat one.

372
00:15:11,034 --> 00:15:11,172
[ students gasp]

373
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:12,758
Pick your favorite.

374
00:15:18,103 --> 00:15:18,241
How's it taste?

375
00:15:20,103 --> 00:15:20,241
It's a delightful
taste sensation.

376
00:15:22,724 --> 00:15:22,862
No eating in my classroom!

377
00:15:26,103 --> 00:15:26,241
Now, if anyone else
is man enough

378
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:28,137
to stay in this class...

379
00:15:31,517 --> 00:15:31,655
Looks like you're
the man... Sponge.

380
00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:33,862
I am?

381
00:15:35,793 --> 00:15:35,931
Do you want to learn
how to drive or what?Yes, sir!

382
00:15:39,275 --> 00:15:39,413
I'm ready to drive!

383
00:15:40,896 --> 00:15:41,000
What do you think
you're doing?

384
00:15:42,586 --> 00:15:42,724
Ready for my test, sir.You're not ready

385
00:15:44,379 --> 00:15:44,517
to drive yet-- until
you learn thatfirst.

386
00:15:48,137 --> 00:15:48,275
This is the most grueling
driving course ever devised.

387
00:15:51,758 --> 00:15:51,896
You will learn every turn,
bump and crack on it.

388
00:15:55,896 --> 00:15:56,000
You'll start out
crawling it.

389
00:15:57,689 --> 00:15:57,827
Crawl?

390
00:15:59,620 --> 00:15:59,758
Hup two, hup two,
hup two, hup two!

391
00:16:02,482 --> 00:16:02,620
Left turn!

392
00:16:04,206 --> 00:16:04,344
Crack! Bump! Nickel!

393
00:16:05,586 --> 00:16:05,724
Hey, a nickel!

394
00:16:07,517 --> 00:16:07,655
Keep your eyes on the road,
cadet![ gasps]

395
00:16:09,793 --> 00:16:09,931
SPONGEBOB:
Pebble!

396
00:16:11,448 --> 00:16:11,586
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa
whoa-whoa-whoa!

397
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:15,103
Ow...!

398
00:16:17,103 --> 00:16:17,241
Wow...!

399
00:16:19,275 --> 00:16:19,413
[ screaming]

400
00:16:21,379 --> 00:16:21,517
Wow...!

401
00:16:24,586 --> 00:16:24,724
[ screaming]

402
00:16:26,206 --> 00:16:26,344
Wow...!

403
00:16:28,034 --> 00:16:28,172
Aah...!

404
00:16:30,379 --> 00:16:30,517
[ sighs]:
Whew!

405
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:33,172
I'm ashamed
of you, cadet.

406
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:36,758
Tripped up by a wee pebble.

407
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:39,137
What are you supposed to
be learning in my class?

408
00:16:40,965 --> 00:16:41,068
How to drive, sir?

409
00:16:42,724 --> 00:16:42,862
Affirmative.
But before you learn to drive,

410
00:16:45,241 --> 00:16:45,379
you must learn
to crawl.

411
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:47,103
And then you
learn to walk,

412
00:16:48,896 --> 00:16:49,000
and then you
learn to run.

413
00:16:50,896 --> 00:16:51,000
But before you learn to walk,
you must learn to crawl!

414
00:16:54,793 --> 00:16:54,931
I want you to crawl!

415
00:16:58,137 --> 00:16:58,275
Sir, yes, sir!

416
00:16:59,586 --> 00:16:59,724
Now, get out there!

417
00:17:02,965 --> 00:17:03,068
[ shoes screech]

418
00:17:08,103 --> 00:17:08,241
Hut! Hut!

419
00:17:11,034 --> 00:17:11,172
[ shoes screech]

420
00:17:17,034 --> 00:17:17,172
Every good boater needs to know
his vehicle inside and out.

421
00:17:22,137 --> 00:17:22,275
Here. Go take
that boat apart.

422
00:17:25,103 --> 00:17:25,241
I'm impressed, son.

423
00:17:27,827 --> 00:17:27,965
Put it back together again!

424
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:30,137
[ chuckles]:
Oh, that'll be easy.

425
00:17:32,034 --> 00:17:32,172
Are you sure?

426
00:17:33,103 --> 00:17:33,241
Um, yeah.

427
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:35,275
You just put the jing-a-mahoos
on the poo-hickey and, uh...

428
00:17:38,275 --> 00:17:38,413
I might need
a couple of minutes.

429
00:17:40,344 --> 00:17:40,482
[ snoring]It's ready, Sarge!

430
00:17:43,517 --> 00:17:43,655
Jumping jellyfish!

431
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:51,965
[ bell dings]

432
00:17:53,931 --> 00:17:54,034
[ bell dings]

433
00:17:55,448 --> 00:17:55,586
Watch for pedestrians.
Check mirrors.

434
00:17:57,137 --> 00:17:57,275
Observe that speed limit.

435
00:17:59,862 --> 00:18:00,034
Watch for pedestri... ans!

436
00:18:02,655 --> 00:18:02,793
Whoa!

437
00:18:03,689 --> 00:18:03,827
Aah! Whoa!

438
00:18:05,724 --> 00:18:05,862
Oh! Oh! Oh!

439
00:18:07,482 --> 00:18:07,620
Wow! Oh! Oh!

440
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:12,137
So, um, how'd I do?

441
00:18:14,724 --> 00:18:14,862
How'd you do?

442
00:18:16,758 --> 00:18:16,896
Why don't you ask
the shattered remains

443
00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:19,862
of this pedestrian

444
00:18:21,827 --> 00:18:21,965
how you did?!

445
00:18:24,551 --> 00:18:24,689
Now I know this course forward,
backward and sideways.

446
00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:27,620
Am I ready to get
behind the wheel?

447
00:18:29,482 --> 00:18:29,620
Not quite.

448
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:32,103
Now do it blindfolded.

449
00:18:34,172 --> 00:18:34,310
[ horn honks, loud crash]

450
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:38,137
1,003, 1,004, 1,005...

451
00:18:41,068 --> 00:18:41,206
Oh, pebble number 143.

452
00:18:43,827 --> 00:18:43,965
Ha! You will not trip me up
again, pebble number 143.

453
00:18:47,344 --> 00:18:47,482
1,006, 1,007, 1,008...

454
00:18:49,827 --> 00:18:49,965
Old lady with
a ham sandwich.

455
00:18:51,551 --> 00:18:51,689
1,009,

456
00:18:53,068 --> 00:18:53,206
1,010, 1,011,
1,012, one th...

457
00:18:56,931 --> 00:18:57,034
Congratulations.

458
00:18:58,551 --> 00:18:58,689
You're ready to get
behind the wheel.

459
00:19:00,551 --> 00:19:00,689
Really? I'm ready!

460
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:02,413
I'm ready! I'm...

461
00:19:03,448 --> 00:19:03,586
[ crash]

462
00:19:05,034 --> 00:19:05,172
Let's see what
I taught you, laddie.

463
00:19:07,344 --> 00:19:07,482
Yes, sir!

464
00:19:10,068 --> 00:19:10,206
Left turn at
pebble number 143.

465
00:19:15,206 --> 00:19:15,344
SPONGEBOB:
Kid with a ball.
Nice boy.

466
00:19:17,655 --> 00:19:17,793
Nice driving.

467
00:19:19,275 --> 00:19:19,413
Now parallel park up ahead.

468
00:19:22,275 --> 00:19:22,413
Very good.

469
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:25,103
Now, boy, the time has come
to show Mr. Fitz

470
00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:28,827
what you learned.
Yes, sir!

471
00:19:30,689 --> 00:19:30,827
Step one: seat belts!

472
00:19:33,068 --> 00:19:33,206
Excellent work, cadet.

473
00:19:34,517 --> 00:19:34,655
What's next?

474
00:19:36,103 --> 00:19:36,241
Step two would be:
ignite engine.

475
00:19:38,586 --> 00:19:38,724
Step three.

476
00:19:39,793 --> 00:19:39,931
Step three would be:

477
00:19:41,551 --> 00:19:41,689
engage blindfold!

478
00:19:43,620 --> 00:19:43,758
What? You can't drive a boat
with a blindfold on.

479
00:19:46,551 --> 00:19:46,689
That's illegal.

480
00:19:48,206 --> 00:19:48,344
But I can't do it
without a blindfold.

481
00:19:50,034 --> 00:19:50,172
Drive, boy! Drive!

482
00:19:58,172 --> 00:19:58,310
[ explosion]

483
00:20:00,413 --> 00:20:00,551
Mayday! Mayday!

484
00:20:02,172 --> 00:20:02,310
You're off course!

485
00:20:06,655 --> 00:20:06,793
[ crashing, banging]

486
00:20:13,620 --> 00:20:13,758
[ rumbling]

487
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:19,965
[ screaming]

488
00:20:23,068 --> 00:20:23,206
[ screaming]

489
00:20:24,172 --> 00:20:24,310
Oh...

490
00:20:26,137 --> 00:20:26,275
I feel so serene
now that I'm away

491
00:20:29,068 --> 00:20:29,206
from that homicidal maniac,
SpongeBob.

492
00:20:34,379 --> 00:20:34,517
[ horn honks]

493
00:20:43,724 --> 00:20:43,862
The brake, son!

494
00:20:45,172 --> 00:20:45,310
Aye, aye, sir.

495
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:47,551
Here you go, sir--
all I had to do

496
00:20:49,689 --> 00:20:49,827
was unscrew
two little bolts.

497
00:20:51,241 --> 00:20:51,379
I'm going to stop
this thing!

498
00:20:53,862 --> 00:20:53,965
Tell my wife I love her!

499
00:21:00,137 --> 00:21:00,275
Come get some!

500
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:05,137
Man down! Man down!

501
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:07,103
[ loud banging]Uh, sorry. Excuse me. Sorry.

502
00:21:09,482 --> 00:21:09,620
Hey, SpongeBob.Sorry, Patrick, I can't stop
to talk right now.

503
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:15,137
I can't see!
I can't see!

504
00:21:17,758 --> 00:21:17,896
My pants!

505
00:21:19,206 --> 00:21:19,344
Hey! I can't see.

506
00:21:26,137 --> 00:21:26,275
[ screams]

507
00:21:29,448 --> 00:21:29,586
[ screams]

508
00:21:33,931 --> 00:21:34,034
[ screams]

509
00:21:38,310 --> 00:21:38,448
Did I pass?

510
00:21:40,241 --> 00:21:40,379
Well, if there was
a "destroy the city"

511
00:21:42,896 --> 00:21:43,000
part of the test,
you wouldhave.

512
00:21:46,655 --> 00:21:46,793
The nerve of
some people!

513
00:21:48,689 --> 00:21:48,827
Sorry, SpongeBob,
you failed again.

514
00:21:51,827 --> 00:21:51,965
Even our finest instructor
could not teach you.

515
00:21:54,965 --> 00:21:55,068
Mrs. Puff, you're
hired again.

516
00:22:02,068 --> 00:22:02,206
Hey, Mrs. Puff.

517
00:22:03,517 --> 00:22:03,655
Sorry I'm "unteachable."

518
00:22:05,482 --> 00:22:05,620
It's okay.

519
00:22:07,241 --> 00:22:07,379
Mr. Fitz gave me
my teaching certificate back.

520
00:22:10,103 --> 00:22:10,241
[ sniffles]:
And your dossier was destroyed
in the explosion.

521
00:22:14,379 --> 00:22:14,517
So it's as if
you never failed.

522
00:22:16,344 --> 00:22:16,482
I got you a "welcome back" gift,
Mrs. Puff.

523
00:22:18,275 --> 00:22:18,413
I found all the pieces and
glued them back together.

524
00:22:21,827 --> 00:22:21,965
I promise it won't
take me a million
tries thistime.

525
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:25,137
[ sobbing]

526
00:22:26,724 --> 00:22:26,862
Captioning sponsored by
MTV NETWORKS

527
00:22:26,896 --> 00:22:34,275
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH 2 F1